What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
