She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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