my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
