Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
