i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
