my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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