my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
