If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
