I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
