You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
