home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
