Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
