I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
