hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I love how my cats smell like pot.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
