is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
pop tarts are not kleenex
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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