Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
