At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
