I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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