so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize