ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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