It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
