That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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