I just saw a hot homeless man
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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