i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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