dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
