Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize