no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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