I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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