He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize