I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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