remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
