are you so shy because you have an std?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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