I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
