have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
