so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
