if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
