I wanna passion pit in your ass
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
