Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
