just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
