i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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