SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
