Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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