3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I could fuck to npr.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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