I heard we made out
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
