Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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