hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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