lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
