wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
