Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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