im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
