What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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