Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
