Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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