I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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