So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
