apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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