id be glad to
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
