butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
