I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
