Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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