i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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