So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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