1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Randomize
