i need an iv and a liver transplant
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
