Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
